RITZVILLE, WA – A pre-arranged burning of phosphorous and magnesium, which lit the night sky for nearly forty minutes, delighted a multitude of slack-jawed onlookers Monday. Gathering in a local park next to the fairgrounds, a crowd of approximately 2,000 people sat on blankets, ate, drank, and pointed at the burning barium chloride and strontium carbonate overhead. “The burning of cesium and rubidium was really spectacular this year,” said Ritzville resident Dana Halley. “I thought the end, where they mixed copper chloride with potassium nitrate, was the best I’ve ever seen.” Reports of other such convocations spanned the nation Monday, as yokels and kings alike congregated under the burning sodium and beryllium in parks, front yards, and backs of trucks.