READING, PA – A 13-year-old reclining chair was reportedly berated and tortured for twenty-five minutes by Harvey Whipple, sources reported Monday. Apparently frustrated by the inanimate object’s unwillingness to fully recline, the elder Whipple spent much of the morning hurling epithets and insults at the piece of furniture. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Whipple asked the non-sentient La-Z-Boy he purchased in 1997. “Seriously, if your lever doesn’t even go all the way down, how the hell am I supposed to lean back? Just… fucking… work.” Fetching his toolbox, the divorced father of three inspected the mechanics of the inorganic chair while mumbling torturous refrains into the dusty corduroy cushion. “You like this? Huh? You want me to beat the hell out of you like this?” Whipple’s latest squabble arrives just two days after his last argument with a lifeless object, when he mocked a dresser drawer for ten minutes.