BOSTON, MA – The Consumer Research Center released their newest report on consumer confidence Monday, revealing oh shit that coffee is fucking hot! The most recent addition to the Conference Board Consumer Confidence Index showed Jesus the fucking lid doesn’t even wanna stay on! “The newest findings reflect the increase in seriously, how fucking hot do they have to brew coffee?” said Conference Board Associate Director Davis Faulkner. “We’re also discovering that buying trends are skewing towards some kinda thermonuclear coffee pot in the back of every fucking McDonald’s?” The most recent report arrives on the heels of my fucking mouth feels like it’s bleeding. Added Faulkner: “With these results and our last numbers, it’s safe to say I think the goddamn skin is flaking off the roof of my mouth. Fuck.”