CHELMSFORD, MA – A Bible vendor standing on the corner of Warren Avenue and 3rd Street is probably a freakin’ serial killer, local teenager Anthony “Tony” Schnerr reported Wednesday. Passing by the apparent member of Gideon International on his way to the Market Place Shopping Center, Schnerr relayed his run-in with the possible serial killer to his friends David “Wicky” Newark and Deb Hudson. “Did you guys see that guy with all those Bibles standing on the corner?” Schnerr said. “So fucking weird. I’ll bet that guy’s, like, a freakin’ serial killer or something. Shit.” Laughing and nodding, Newark and Hudson readily agreed with the unidentified Bible distributor’s designation as a person who murders for sexual or psychological gratification. “Totally,” Newark said. “He probably, like, sacrifices babies or some sick shit like that. What a weirdo.” The three entered the shopping center shortly thereafter, where they reportedly encountered six closeted homos, five perverts, two narcs, and one huge fag hag.