TEMECULA, CA – From big box chains to so-called mom & pop stores, retailers are swooning as sales of worthless shit exceeded end-of-the-year projections. “Retailers are the first to take the hit during a recession,” said national economy analyst Dawn Silverman, “so it’s a hopeful sign when we witness higher-than-projected sales of useless crap and worthless shit. We’re not back into the black…but we’re getting there.” Retailers have been quick to broadcast the news, hoping to lure wary shoppers. “Meaningless junk and pointless tripe really flew off the shelves over the holiday season, which was better than we anticipated in this downturn,” said Target Communications Director Ed Carrell. “An upturn in sales of needless waste, which have still been lagging, would really brighten the New Year.” Economists have also touted an upswing in pool-house renovation and private golf course construction as another sign of the recession’s withdrawal.