Vikings Begin Norse Funeral Preparations For Brett Favre
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Upon losing three of their last four games, including an embarrassing Monday night loss to the Chicago Bears, the Minnesota Vikings are reportedly beginning their traditional Norse funeral preparations for Brett Favre. Commissioning a handmade boat by a local shipbuilder, Vikings officials plan to commence with the time-honored wake immediately following Minnesota’s inevitable playoff exit in January. “Keeping with tradition, we are asking members of the Minneapolis community, as well as long-time fans of Brett Favre, to bring their sacrifices to the Elks lodge on the corner of Brookdale and Vincent,” said Vikings general manager Rick Spielman. Among other funeral offerings, Viking personnel have gathered Favre’s three Associated Press MVP awards, five NFC Player of the Year honors, as well as the remaining $12.5 million in gold bullion from the 40-year old’s two-year contract. “It will be a beautiful ceremony,” continued Spielman, “but it probably won’t eclipse [Daunte] Culpepper’s – I doubt we’ll find another human sacrifice like Brad Johnson.”